Introductory Remarks

I was kissed by a man on Christmas Eve 198.. .

It was at the end of a party. He had been near me most of the evening, putting his hands onto me in unwonted caresses. It was very sweet and exciting. I did not recognize myself : the idea of another man had never entered my head before.


I had seen him kiss women on one or two previous occasions. It shocked me, because in my opinion one does not kiss lightly. I do not, anyway.

His kiss on Christmas Eve upset me profoundly. It rocked the whole of my existence. It seriously questioned the values I had lived for so far. I had to realize that I desired another man.


I could not eat nor sleep. I became conscious of my body. I surprized my partner by going to bed in winter without a nightdress on. Not that he would come near me for that – I certainly did not encourage him …


Writing about these things now is not without pain.

It is like regurgitating at last something that proved unacceptable for one’s system, the indigestible parts of too heavy a meal – bringing them up is nasty; yet, elimination is a relief, even though an unpleasant taste stays for a time after.